Physiotherapy Is Murder

Last Thursday, I went to my physiotherapy session in rather good spirits. I had done all the exercises at home on Monday and not even the most difficult ones gave me any trouble. My adductors are recovering well and I was looking forward to my Thursday workout followed by a nice massage.

While I was doing said Thursday workout to some rather cheesy power metal at the physiotherapy practice’s mini-gym, Mr. Adorable scooted over and asked me how I was doing. «Great!», I said. «Hardly any pain!», I said. «Well, don’t do the hardcore stuff yet», he instructed. «I want to show you something.»

I continued my workout without the hardcore stuff. It was still rather challenging. Mr. Adorable continued his therapy session with some fit-looking guy recovering from a shoulder or arm injury. They tossed a volleyball around, which was kinda cute. Isn’t physiotherapy nice, I thought to myself.

Then Mr. Adorable showed me this variant of the Copenhagen adduction. Unlike the version I was doing previously, this one involves raising and lowering the hips, eccentrically loading the upper leg. Eccentric training being the shit for tendon rehab, according to Mr. Adorable. He demonstrated the exercise by putting his leg up on a hyper extension bench. Cool, I thought, I can do this. Mr. Adorable is much taller than me, but I’m more flexible, so I should still manage this height.

Only Mr. Adorable is acutely aware that I’m more flexible, so he raised the bench to almost hip height for me. Again, only try this at home if you have trained your adductors before. It is brutal. I did manage to do a couple of reps, occasionally stopping for breath and to grumble that other people got to play ball, which Mr. Adorable found hilarious.

So here I am, two days later, with killer DOMS and a reminder never to believe your physiotherapist when he says «I don’t think I can make your exercises any more difficult».

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