Do Not Taunt Physiotherapists

…for their revenge will be swift and merciless.

(This should be obvious, but apparently, I’m a masochist.)

Mr. Adorable and one of his colleagues, the one of pas-de-chat fame, got a bit bored today. I was doing my exercises facing the mirror, when suddenly, the two guys materialised in the gym behind me and proceeded to loiter. I jokingly told them to not just look but follow along. We all laughed for a bit and then they somehow decided to have a pissing pistol contest. I was focused on my exercise and had Rammstein blaring in one ear, so I have no idea how they arrived at that decision.

Pistol squats are the sort of exercise I have never even contemplated doing because I assumed it would probably just kill me, like attempting to do a human flag or falling into the split. Here’s how you learn to do them. (Hint: it’s hard.)

The two physios went about it in a very scientific way. They laid a tape measure out on the floor to see whose leg would reach the furthest. Since they are both the same height, it would’ve worked, too. Mr. Adorable, the smug bastard [1], went down into the pistol squat all the way and up again with seemingly no effort at all. His colleague tried to repeat that feat and immediately fell over, drawing the amused attention of all the other patients currently in the gym. Giving Mr. Adorable the same half-amazed, half-annoyed look I often give him, the other physio stated that he lacks the necessary ankle mobility.

That was the moment where I should’ve kept my mouth shut. Instead, I threw «Excuses!» over my shoulder. They immediately invited me to come over and show them what I got, which I politely declined because I’m not that suicidal. After they had slunk away, I surreptitiously tried to do one while holding on to the wall bars and, as expected, failed miserably.

Some time later, it was time for my physiotherapy session… and can you guess which new and exciting exercise Mr. Adorable had me do? I bet you can.


[1] Once I asked him just how f-ing fit he was exactly, he offhandedly said that he was actually quite detrained since he hasn’t been playing any basketball for a year now. From one smug bastard to another: well played.

3 thoughts on “Do Not Taunt Physiotherapists

  1. My new hypothesis is that Mr. Adorable is actually an extremely advanced PhysioBot® who has come from the year 2874 to record evidence of how completely inept we are at exercising in poor old 2017.

    He probably also uploads his videos to the future so his PhysioBot® buddies can snicker at them on YouPort.

    Source: married to a physio who is not from the future and he can’t do pistol squats, either.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I believe you solved it! 😂 What a delightful theory! I have been tempted to ask him if he’s even human on occasion.
    I’m going to have to learn to do pistol squats just to prove to the future that we people from ole 2017 can do things, too!

    Liked by 1 person

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