Palpable Thigh Envy

I have written about thigh envy before. Yesterday, I got to touch the thigh of a professional dancer and circus artist and oh boy. I better start from the beginning.

Yesterday, we went to see an amazing varieté show at our local theatre. Hosted by renowned Swiss comedy and cabaret artist duo, Ursus & Nadeschkin, the show called «Pearls, Freaks and Special Guests» was a brilliant combination of circus arts, comedy, music and dance. First, let me mention the wonderful songwriter and comedian Manuel Stahlberger, the clown Mick Holsbeke, who had the audience in tears of laughter just by standing on the stage, and the beautiful alphorn whiz Eliana Burki, who definitely made the traditional Swiss instrument cool again.

The dancing and acrobatics part was represented by four super-talented guys. First was Charlie Mach, who has a hilariously anxious on-stage persona and does crazy stuff with chairs, making it all look way easier than it is:

The amazing (and seriously cute) duo André Leo are a rarity: they perform together on a Cyr wheel. A single Cyr wheel – don’t be deceived by the video thumbnail, just watch it.

And finally, there was Jimmy Gonzalez, whom the SO and I had pegged for a juggler the moment he entered the stage (carrying lots of balls tends to give people that impression) and for a dancer as soon as he started moving. Whether you’ve danced yourself or just seen classical performances, there is no mistaking a classically trained dancer. But see for yourself:

The whole evening was fantastic. The show wasn’t just a series of single acts with the hosts talking inbetween: they took the time to connect all the artists into one cohesive whole, while still leaving everyone enough room to showcase their talent.

One thing that the whole cast did together was climb into the audience at the end of the final applause. It is an old theatre with the all the seats close together in a single block. So at the end of the show, all the artists startet clambering over the seats, stepping on the arm rests and chairbacks, shaking hands left and right and thanking people for coming, which was amazing.

The SO and I were seated just under the balcony, fairly far back. Once the artists had reached us, Charlie Mach decided the people on the balcony needed some love, too. Since steps are apparently for losers, he recruited the duo André Leo and Jimmy Gonzalez to hoist him up. Ironically, he is the biggest and heaviest of them all.

Having failed to talk his crazy colleague out of his crazy idea, Jimmy Gonzalez turned to the people on the backs of whose seats he was currently standing (including me) and instructed us to «Tenez-nous!» (meaning «Hold us» in French), slapping his very shapely dancer’s behind for emphasis.

Obviously, this was not a request I could refuse. I certainly didn’t want a small tower of heavily muscled acrobats to hurt themselves or land on me, either. So I held on to his thigh while the daredevil Charlie was hoisted up onto the balcony.

I have never touched a dancer’s or a pro athletes muscles before. It’s not a common item on people’s bucket lists. I don’t go around copping a feel of people just because I like the shape of their thighs and neither should you. But holy f___, I never imagined human muscle tissue could be so solid. It was like holding on to a statue. A warm, trouser-wearing statue.

Just as I’ve begun to feel proud of all the muscles I’ve built up over the summer, this happens. My hamstrings are practically nonexistant compared to what I laid my hands on in that theatre. I’ve got my work cut out for me all over again. While I lack the youth, the hours and the testosterone to build up quite as much muscle, I can certainly build up more than I have now. Maybe one day someone will envy my thighs.

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